My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
