Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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