he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
