She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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