I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
