We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize