Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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