you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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