My nipple is on Facebook.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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