She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
