She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
