pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
