If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
