Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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