so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
