How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
