I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
