have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize