It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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