It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You're a waste of cheezeits
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
