if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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