She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
