his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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