Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Princesses don't give blow jobs
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
