No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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