So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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