I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
