I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize