I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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