Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize