I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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