I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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