Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
