I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
