She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
