At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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