why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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