you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
