You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
