You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
