the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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