So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
