I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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