Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
