i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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