R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
