In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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