i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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