I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
