so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it's like iHOP with fire
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize