Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
