Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize