Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
