so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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