I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
