3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
