Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
