I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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