You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
