Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
