we have pet lesbian snakes
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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