Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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