the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
