everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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