Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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