Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
