looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
