My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
