Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
